It’s a universal issue. A complication that can make or break even the very best of relationships. The smallest amount of disregard can cause an avalanche of assumption. Intentions become irrelevant in the aftermath.
I’ve always been a voice of reason to friends around me. A confidant that cares. My gift of empathy gives me depth that my experience cannot provide solutions for. This trust that people have in me is a responsibility that I do not take lightly. It brings me joy to be the calm in the chaos.
This year has been no exception. I have met an incredible amount of people from all different tribes and backgrounds. What began as getting to know the culture and their plans for their future has become so much more. 7,000 miles span between us but it has not kept me from feeling their presence and holding them close.
There are always road blocks in communication; no matter who it is with. When God sent me, virtually, into another country…it presented challenges I had never faced before. There was the obvious…language itself. I began to learn to hear them in more than their accents & slangs. I asked them to use and teach me phrases and words to be able to understand how they express themselves naturally. I listened to their emotions, to their expressions, and to their hearts.
I exercise patience most of all. If they were willing to let me prove myself; I would show them I am worthy of trust. Trust is not often given or received. It is like a rare currency. I would have to earn it and be willing to be open in order to receive it in return.
The people are the mission, they are the calling.
I began to receive messages across all social platforms. Some could not even explain what drew them in or how they found me. The conversations were no longer about what I was planning to do but what I was doing in that moment. What I have to offer..just by being…me.
I can’t possibly keep track of the variety of discussions that have taken place. I have embraced the dialog no matter the topic. I’ve cried with them over hardships, prayed with them for hope, celebrated their wins, and sympathized in their loss. I’ve walked them through relationship struggles, gave spiritual guidance through difficult choices, gave motivation and inspiration to their dreams, advised on business and education, talked through fears when they woke from nightmares, and shared my faith in what is to come.
I’ve visited places through their videos and photographs. I’ve listened to explanations of how their country works, the culture, and their daily lives. I’ve seen the obstacles and the hardships. I’ve also seen great faith and joy!
The more I listen, the more I can relate. The more I learn, the more I understand.
My connection is more than conversation. It is personal. It is reaching far beyond the surface to appreciate the soul. It is loving every smile and every scar.
The biggest communication problem
is we do not listen to understand,
we listen to reply.
STEPHEN R. COVEY
This quote rings true. It takes a great effort to truly understand another person. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, we choose what we make time for. It is the same for every person, even me. You can fix your eyes and hear the words…but are they resonating? Many people answer quickly…they say the first thing that comes to mind and move on to the next…not hearing the person behind them.
There is no easy solution…only awareness. Mutual understanding takes mutual effort.
To effectively communicate, we need more data. No conversations are alike because no people are. Their background, their view points, their triggers, their emotions….are all behind their words. You cannot advise, answer, or express what you do not know. You have to read between the lines.
Communication is a two-way street. It is not just the practice of these efforts….but the willingness to make them.
You cannot possibly archive all the details of every person you meet. However, the results are in the effort. The time you invest in people yields the greatest return. You will find that there are less arguments, less worry, less misunderstandings, less pain to endure and less brokenness to mend. You begin to see the “why?” in their questions instead of the “what?”.
To reach understanding, you must step out of the shallow and dive into the deep.